Toxic Friends: The Antidote for Women Stuck in Complicated Relationships

By Susan Shapiro Barash (St. Martin’s Press; 2009.)

From childhood to the golden years, friendship is both one of the most important and the most complicated aspects of a woman’s life. What is it that makes female friendship so complex, so rewarding, and yet also so often  a source of pain?

In Toxic Friends, Barash profiles 10 different types of female friends: The Leader; The Doormat; The Sacrificer; The Misery Lover; The Frenemy; and 5 others (which you’ll have to read the book to discover!).

Personally, I was shocked to realize that I could finally verbalize the actions of certain friends in the past – it wasn’t just me, and it wasn’t just them. They were acting in ways that were typical of certain types of women, and Barash’s categories actually helped me to understand them better. If I ever reconnect with those women – doubtful, but you never know – I believe that I’ll be better prepared to communicate with and relate to them than I was in the past.

Above all, I think this book will help to identify those types of women if they appear in my life in the future. That doesn’t mean I’ll be psychoanalyzing every person I meet… rather, it means that I’ll have a better awareness of my relationship to certain people (for example, which women to politely and gently excuse myself from spending time with). That’s something I honestly can say I wish I knew a long time ago… I could have avoided a lot of heartache that way, and I suspect the majority of women would feel the same way about some of their own friendships/ex-friendships.

I highly recommend Barash’s book to women with friends. Yes, that’s a broad recommendation – but I honestly believe the book is helpful, not just in terms of understanding and identifying the friendships you have, but also in gaining insight into the kind of friend you are to other people.

(This book was graciously provided for review by St. Martin’s Press.)

I’d hoped to have a new version of this blog up and running by now, which is why I hadn’t posted yet… I wanted the first post of the year to be NEW and SPECTACULAR and EXCITING…

Well, sometimes life gets in the way and things don’t quite work out the way you expect. But that’s alright. I’ll get back into the swing of posting sooner or later, but for now I just wanted to say “hello, blog readers” and “no, I’m not gone, I just had an extended holiday from blogging”!

I have several outstanding book reviews from 2009 to post over the next few days (not outstanding as in quality, though I’d like to think my reviews are half decent… I mean outstanding in terms of time), so there’s something to look forward to!

I’ve also neglected to post my thoughts on the Holly Lisle courses I’m taking, so hopefully I’ll get to that sometime this month. I’m taking both her ‘How to Think Sideways: Career Survival School for Writers’ and ‘How to Revise Your Novel’, and they’ve been invaluable thus far… and I’d like to share why

Until then… happy writing, reading, and revising (there seem to be a lot of us doing that these days), and I’ll see you soon.

For the first time ever… my name is in print, instead of disappearing behind a cloud of SEO or ghostwritten articles. Yay! Exciting! I hope it happens more often!

Emerald Tales: Winter Solstice Special Issue

My story was picked up by the small press publisher Emerald Tales, and is available in their Winter Solstice Special Issue (scroll down to Volume One, Special Three) — which you can purchase on this page!

The story is historical fiction, though since it’s set in ancient times it got slotted into the fantasy/sci-fi/paranormal/horror issue… which I certainly don’t mind! The tagline chosen for my story is: “A priestess does what she must to save her lover”… suspense! drama! conflict! ancient Babylon! You want to read it, right?

But you might also be wondering… don’t I write novels? What happened to that? Well, it’s a simple explanation.

Just this past summer, I decided to try my hand at short stories, as I thought it might be a good idea to try and build at least a few credits to my name before sending out larger pieces to agents/publishers… I want to prove myself in the small markets before going for the whole gamut with a novel, as it were.

I’m not saying it’s the best route for everyone, but I felt it was something I needed to do (and need to continue to do) to not only build my resume, but also my confidence. And, it’s a great way to stretch those writing skills, because when it comes to short stories, every word must count.

So, for those of you who go ahead and clicky-click to purchase the issue of Emerald Tales, thank you so much for your support! And for those of you who aren’t able to and prefer to offer encouragement in other ways, thank you for your support and encouragement too! It’s a great feeling to see your name in print, no matter how small the press, and I wish it wholeheartedly for the rest of you as well!!!

Now… time to start racking up the rejections in 2010! We have a brand new year ahead of us, people, let’s get subbing!

Tags: acceptance, ancient history, Emerald Tales, short story, submissions

The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind - William Kamkwamba (Memoir)

The one thing I have to say about this book is: Everyone should read it.

Adults, children, teenagers, male or female. This book should be required reading in schools, universities, community groups, you name it…

The book itself is about William’s life as a young boy in Malawi, about his family’s life during a very bad famine year, and how William taught himself about physics and electricity and built a windmill to power his family’s radio. William’s efforts grew until he was noticed by a figure on the international stage, and who eventually introduced him to the right people until he received a scholarship to attend University.

The first amazing thing about this is that William, an unschooled, poverty-stricken boy from Africa, was able to rise against the odds and use his brilliant mind to make something of himself. It’s clear that William is an extremely skilled and talented man, and I’m so thankful that his story was brought to the world, for another reason…

The second amazing thing about this book is that William discusses famine and living through it as though it’s simply a part of life. He never sensationalizes, never gives off a ‘poor me’ or ‘woe was our family’ or ‘Africa is horrid’ vibe, nothing of the sort.

Instead, he tells his story in a matter of fact way, simply telling us what happened and what it was like, and honestly? It’s more vivid than those World Vision ads on TV. It’s more real than hearing from the media that ‘people are starving in Africa’. Want to understand what that really means? See through William’s eyes what happens to a person’s body when there’s no food… how it bloats until the skin is like putty, how people simply dropped dead on the roads as they walked half a mile to try and get some rations, how the President of Malawi denied that anything was wrong and refused to let food and aid supplies into the country, how a family of six can live on only a fistful’s worth – total – of food per day, and sometimes less…

After I read William’s story, I was compelled to pass the book on to the rest of my family.
We who live in first-world countries can never truly understand what it means to starve until we’ve either experienced it first hand, or seen it with clear vision through the eyes of someone who actually lived it and survived.

William’s story will change the way you look at the world. It’ll pull at your heart and you may find yourself crying out for change, for some way to help these people, and you may ache to do something – anything – to help. There are so many children all over the globe who have so much to offer the world, just like William, but if conditions remain the same… frankly, they’ll all die (and already are) and the world will continue to lose brilliant minds to a thing as stupid and senseless as hunger.

Again, I implore you, read this book. There’s also a website in conjunction with the book where William talks about how he came up with the idea to build the windmill and other sorts of things, and I encourage you to view those as well.

This is Willliam’s story, and it’s worth hearing.

Tags: 5 coffees, ARC, memoir, must read

Once again, I’ve dropped the ball on posting regularly… but it’s December, so I can blame it on the holidays, right?

Not so much. Rather, I’ve had a few weeks of recovery from NaNoWriMo, which I attribute to my Muse packing her bags and heading out for some place tropical. I wish she’d taken me with her.

This happens every year after NaNo, though this year was worse than most — probably because of how invested in it I was as an ML — and it didn’t help that I hated my novel. I mean hated, with vehemence. Nothing went as planned, the characters were flat and dull, and my Voice sounded like something out of a grade 2 reader from 1932. Seriously. So, it’s no wonder that I didn’t finish the novel within the month as planned, though I did make the 50k. But oh, it hurt.

The novel broke my heart, and sooner or later, I’m going to have to fix it. We’re talking serious re-writing, tearing the story limb from limb, and putting the pieces back together after they’ve been completely and utterly recreated.

I may need to start from scratch. But I believe in my idea, and so I can’t simply throw the manuscript out the window and be done with it. Though… some days I wish I could!

How about you? Have you ever had a novel break your heart? Or started to write something you’d been so incredibly excited about, only to find that it turned into nothing but a pile of meaningless dreck that you’d have to entirely destroy in order to build it back to the way you’d planned?

Tags: NaNoWriMo, revision, writing

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs – Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Two years ago, before I was married, I read this same book by Dr. Eggerichs. At the time, I thought ‘well, this sounds reasonable’, and continued along my merry way after closing the front cover. I remember now that, at the time I’d picked the book up at the store, a woman mentioned to me ‘this book saved my marriage, honestly… pay attention and you won’t regret it’. Reading it through for a second time, after being married for a year and a half? Dr. Eggerichs has it right.

Women need love, and men need respect. Both are mutually inclusive, because when a woman receives love she feels respected, and when a man is respected, it’s a sign of love to him. Eliminate either love or respect, and couples start on what he terms ‘the Crazy Cycle’. How do you stop the crazy cycle? It’s all based on love and respect. Dr. Eggerich outlines what this means for both husbands and wives, what they can do to increase love and respect (and maintain it!), and how to prevent getting back on the Crazy Cycle in the future.

Whether you’re dating, engaged, or married for any length of time, the Dr. speaks the truth… and it’s worth a listen!

I received this book as a part of the Thomas Nelson Book Review Blogger program.

Tags: ARC, books, marriage

By now, I’m sure most of you are sick of hearing about the Harlequin controversy that’s going on right now, with the launch of their new vanity press. If you haven’t heard about it… clearly you’ve been living under a rock without internet access to check your blog feeds, because honey, this is BIG.

And  if you’re like me, you might have read all the press releases, blog posts, rantings, and gone… “Huh?”

At first, I thought “isn’t everyone just blowing this a bit out of proportion?”

This morning, I read a few more posts about it, and began to change my tune. What helped me understand the whole thing was a post over at Jackie Kessler’s blog, where she breaks it down in a fictional dialogue between a writer and the Harlequin vanity line.

If you’re looking for a clear and concise outline of what’s going down, please head over there and read that post. Then, feel free to rant and rave all you want:

–> The Day After: Harlequin Blinks <–

Tags: controversy, Harlequin, vanity publishing

This week, I have a lot on my plate. I wanted to hit 50k by Sunday night (didn’t do it, as I was sick for most of last week), and I want to outline/write/edit/submit two short stories by November 30th, both of which still need everything done on them.

Naturally, I started freaking out. “But I wanted to finish the novel this month, not just hit the word count!” I lamented. “I’m failing, I just can’t do both…”

Which in turn spurred the wise words of my husband, Mr. Practical (and also Mr. Calm-Down-You’re-Overreacting-Again-Faith): “Faith, every month is NaNoWriMo for you, so it doesn’t matter if you finish the novel or not. You’re going to keep writing at this pace regardless, because that’s how you’ll develop your career… so just do what you can and don’t stress yourself out.”

Ah, easier said than done. But he did make a good point: Writing a lot means accomplishing a lot, and if I don’t stop writing every day, the novel will get finished one way or another, regardless. And, I can switch over and write the short stories this month without worrying (apparently).

So, every month is National Novel Writing Month. Okay, maybe not 50,000 words on the same story, but if I write 50,000 words every month just in general… that’ll still be a lot of work accomplished.

Have you ever totalled up all the writing you do in a month?

I’m talking: blogging, writing-related social networking, newsletters or writing-related emails, edits (words that are added), outlining, notes you take on the various books you read, AND your WIP.

Try it for a month. I challenge you to open a Word document for December and copy/paste every piece of writing you do that somehow relates to writing (social networking on writing blogs counts!). I think at the end of the month, you’ll be shocked at how much writing you actually do, not to mention have a visual of where the majority of your time was spent.

I’d be willing to be that you’re living every month like NaNoWriMo too… just maybe not focusing all your energies on one specific novel. You’re constantly doing NaNoWriMo, just not under that particular name… maybe, NaWriMo (National Writing Month), over and over again.

I’d say that’s pretty darn encouraging.

Tags: motivation, NaNoWriMo, social networking, word count, writing

Hush Hush – Becca Fitzpatrick (YA)

Becca Fitzpatrick has done an excellent job of cornering the teen market in her novel, ‘Hush Hush’. It provides the romance of Twilight, the urban edge of City of Bones, and a unique kind of characterization that we don’t often see these days: an independent female protagonist who questions herself, and doesn’t simply give into her emotions. She’s stubborn, determined, and cautious — and our male MC, Patch, is mysterious enough to keep you turning the pages long after everyone else in the house has gone to bed.

I was fortunate enough to be able to read this as an ARC through the First Look program at B&N, and I hear there’s an alternate ending which we didn’t get in our version. And you know what? I enjoyed the book enough to go out and buy a copy, to support this new author’s work. I can’t wait to read more from her… if you have someone in your life who enjoys YA — or if you do, yourself — do yourself a favor and pick this one up!

Tags: ARC, great books, paranormal, YA